Although I generally eschew the facile aphorisms of New Age gurus, I suppose there is something of value in one or two of them. One that comes to mind is, “don’t sweat the small stuff, and its all small stuff.” A fairly Buddhist sentiment, really. When compared with the great matter of life and death, what’s a little bird shit on your new suit? Of course, there are times when you need to sweat the small stuff, like when you’re preparing to, say, go scuba diving in a cave, or when you’re picked by your boss to deliver your division’s numbers to the entire company at the annual meeting. Most of the time though, we don’t need to be so obsessed with getting it all perfect, and we really don’t need to get so worked up when it doesn’t turn out that way. I think most of us know this intrinsically, but we still can’t help freaking out over really trivial shit. I’ve tried to work on this area of my life a little and have developed some awareness of the transient nature of most irritations. Through experience I’ve learned that however significant you may think the thing is that’s causing you trouble, if you sit with it and keep it company for a while it will turn into something more manageable. You usually even find yourself shaking your head at how nuts you were over it. Of course, even knowing this, it’s a struggle not to become overwhelmed at times.
I came to more fully accept the truth of the impermanence of all things in January of 2007 when my wife of 11 years died during child birth at the age of 39. Let me tell you, nothing drives home the truth of Buddhist teachings more than the loss of a spouse at a young age. In one instant, my life completely changed. There was precious little time to reflect on trivialities. I suddenly had an infant son with all sorts of immediate needs, and a very steep learning curve. I didn’t have time to sweat the small stuff. Things that drove me up a wall way back in my old life seemed completely unimportant afterward. In large measure they still do. Life dishes up its share of tragedy, but it is also a grand comedy. Taking trivial things too seriously is wasted effort.
One of my co-workers unexpectedly lost her husband over the holidays. He suffered from sleep apnea and one night he went to bed and apparently had a heart attack. He was only 58 and otherwise in good health. I went over to her desk and shared a little of my personal experience with her and then talked with her about what she’s likely to be in for over the next few months and offered my counsel. People who have been through this sort of personal tragedy tend to intrinsically know that getting upset over minutiae is pointless. I think she felt free to open up a bit more about what she was going through with someone who had been through a similar experience. I really don’t like talking about that time in my life, especially with someone I don’t know that well, but overcoming my discomfort to help her deal with her grief seemed the right thing to do. Hopefully I was able to help her feel better, or at least help her put things in perspective.
Tomorrow I'm going back to holding open doors and giving seats to old ladies. Its much easier.
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